Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Sailing The Smoke Free Seas

It's turkey time! The food holiday of the year is upon us and I am looking forward to traveling to the family deer lease to have a Griswold Family Thanksgiving. What says "giving thanks" better than ripping down the trails on a four wheeler? Not much in my opinion. 

Things have been extra busy around the house what with all the globe trotting and holiday ruckus. This month was busy. The cruise happened. Fun, sun, and drinks were had. I had some amazing experiences on the long strange trip to Mexico and back. I do not regret going, nor would I do it again. While three of the five days were excellent, the two spent at sea were awful. The ride home was like riding a rollercoaster you couldn't get off. 22 foot swells and 40 mile an hour winds made for an interesting last day. 

To all that said you can't feel the motion of the ocean on the giant floating hotels, ha! It didn't physically bother me. In fact, the extreme rocking of the boat was the equivalent of being rocked to sleep. I seriously had trouble staying awake that day. Many people on the boat had trouble keeping thier buffet food where they put it. This was not excluding staff that had been out to sea For 10 out of 12 months. But the shuddering crashes that reverberated throughout the breathtakingly large hull of the boat with alarming frequency was enough to keep you on edge. 

All of that aside, the beach. Oh my. Would I go back to Cozumel again? Absolutely!!!  Just not on a boat. I went snorkeling. I drove the boat that took us snorkeling. I saw a barracuda. It was mean looking. Starfish and the magic conch. I saw those. Screw the aquarium, go see the real thing. I got exactly what I was expecting in Cozumel, which was a great time. The drinks were cold, and the food was excellent. The beach was perfect. My only regret was that we didn't spend both days there. Progreso was a border town feel with a beach view. Very poor, beggars, overly aggressive curio hawkers, and tequila. We shopped till we dropped into a cantina on the beach and rushed back to the boat in the rain. 

All in all, we had a great time. We drank and ate our fill. We danced, sang, and met interesting people. We saw broadway style shows, a comedy act, a magic show and even a burlesque show. We were entertained. I have to say, I have some great memories to look back on. But I wouldn't try it again. Once was enough. 

In other news, it's been a week since I quit smoking. Actually, I have to say it's not only myself that quit. If you aren't sitting down, you may want to. Yes, the master of the Beebs universe has also quit smoking. While you absorb this news, I'll tell you how it was possible. There is this not so new trend called vaping. These magical machines use water vapor to mimic smoking and deliver pure medical grade nicotine. The act of taking a draw off my machine is as physically and mentally satisfying as smoking a cigarette. The even better side of it is the smell. It's missing the disgusting ashtray fumes. I don't stink, nor does the garage any longer. I can vape indoors. No more braving the cold or the heat to get a fix of nicotine. No more inhaling 3,000 plus cancer causing chemicals with each drag. I don't feel like I'm deprived by going cold turkey. I don't have to fill the void with food either. 

I think this is going to be it for us. I never believed we would both quit smoking and not risk our marriage. Two grumpy people withdrawing from a more than 20 year addiction doesn't make a happy home. We are both happy with the machines and our new smoke free lives. It's amazing how gross an ashtray smells now. It shocked me that even after only three days after quitting smoking how cigarettes and thier leavings turned me off. I'm pleased by the changes. I am more pleased that my newly 40 year old husband who smoked a pack and a half to two packs a day is sticking with me in this. 

So with all this, we are being dragged into December before we are ready. The last month of 2013 will be busy as well. Our 8th wedding anniversary, a wedding, parties and of course the holiday of all holidays. Have fun and don't forget your stretchy pants. 

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Caution: Contents May Cause Shiny Hair and Death

All my bags are almost packed and I'm ready to go... I'm going to be standing here outside my sister's door. Cause I'm leaaaaaving on a cruise ship don't think I'll wanna come back again... In only 2 short days we will be headed to Galveston, Tx to board the infamous "poop cruise" ship. Our stops are in Progreso and Cozumel respectively. After all of the planning, prepping and meetings it's finally almost time to go. I am not nervous about the ship one bit. But just in case, I'm bringing wipes and a friend is bringing a suitcase of depends for all of us. 10 women in 5 cabins could get stinky. As the last few days count down, I'm increasingly more excited. The one thing I want to experience is as cliche as it comes. Blue waters and white sand. I want palm trees, I want a cabana boy, and I want cocktails. Thankfully I heard about a private beach with all of the above. If the reviews find my expectations live up to the hype, you may never see me stateside again. Forward all mail to My Personal Paradise care of: Sailor Jerry. 

I find my biggest issue with the whole vacation is packing. I am doubting even my own tight packing list. I researched this subject to death. Dresses, check. Comfy shoes, check. Electrical strip outlet and exstension cord, check. My issue doesn't even extend to clothes. It seems my cosmetics are the issue. They are requiring an entire suitcase of their own. Not that it's all makeup. I plan on wearing little to none. But it's the sunblock, aloe, meds, and other sundries that are rapidly filling up my luggage. I think I have an addiction to health and beauty products. Honestly, I can see instances where I will need every item in my medicine cabinet. Some worry about over packing clothing and I'm worried about looking like a walking Walgreens. Antacid, pepto, Advil, anti itch creme, visine, swimmers ear, first aid kit, and many other various items I suddenly realize I shouldn't go wandering away from home without. The people scanning my bag are going to think I'm a hypochondriac. Even with my doubts, I'm not willing to leave these items behind. I'd rather be safe than sorry. 

We still have a few things to do before we shove off. Important things like getting fresh pedicures with nautical themes. You know, important things. I recently purchased an esalon personalized hair color kit. It's kinda cool. You order what you want after filling out a survey and they send it to you. In my case, a personal "hair color expert" gave me a call and asked me a few further questions. She didn't know that I have been a bottle red head since 1996. She had no idea that I know the shades of red I prefer. I'm no noob. But she convinced me that with my skin tone and natural hair color I shouldn't go for the "watch out I'm a hot redhead" color I normally go for. She suggested a tamer red, but still very red she insisted. She tried to explain about the developer levels and such. I wanted to say "B*tch, I know all this!" But I refrained. So three days after I ordered my custom coloring package arrived. 

Now, honestly, this package was awesome. It had all the bells and whistles. Nice gloves, coconut oil stain preventer for around the hairline, stain removing towelette, and shampoo and a conditioner to boot. The whole package was impressive and well put together. With the utmost confidence, I drew and quartered my hair and began coloring my new growth. After waiting ten minutes for that to develop, I colored the remainder of my hair. I was a bit worried that it wasn't red enough at this point. But I stuck with it till the end. Even when they told me to mix equal parts water with the remainder of the second bottle for an extra glossy step, I kept the faith.

After 15 more minutes, I took the watered down bottle in the shower with me, and applied it as suggested. This is where it I nearly die in my shower thanks to hair color fumes. Nope, not kidding. It says  to apply the watered down mix and lather like a shampoo for up to two minutes. Except it doesn't tell you this is a race for your life, and death awaits you with your now *super* shiny hair. My god! The fumes! My throat and eyes burned worse than living next door to a delish hot sauce factory. it took several moments after I was rinsed out to get a good clean breath in. If the choices are super shiny hair or death by chemical inhalation, I choose cake. In the end, the color wasn't as red as I prefer, but it is alright. To be perfectly honest, was it worth $10? Yes, was it worth $20? No. But I have to say, my hair is pretty darn shiny!

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Sweet and Sour of Halloween

The goblins and ghouls have put away their candy bags for another year. Last night we started out with 150 pre packaged "goodie bags" and within the first hour they were gone. We had to limit everyone to one piece because we had a LINE DOWN OUR DRIVEWAY TO GET INTO OUR LAB! That was possibly the biggest crowd we have ever had. We saw family members, friends, and loads of familiar faces come by and check out what the Mad Lab was cooking this year. We had a blast. I even convinced a few too scared kiddos to come in and see our collection, and I think they will be repeat customers. One thing that I thankfully didn't find too often, but often enough that made me want to smack a parent or two were the grabby kids. The ones that walked right up to the huge caldron of candy in my lap and decided to help themselves with fistfuls of candy. I am not shy. The first little kid that walked up to me and did that barely drew back all of his fingers. His father stood there and said not a word of admonishment to his child. I wanted to tell him what I really thought of him, but instead I handed the kid a lime flavored tootsie roll and told him to move on. While I should have given him nothing, I am soft hearted. But I made sure to give him the worst candy in my bucket. No snickers or m&m's for that little turd or his idiot parent. Teach your kids manners and to be polite. They will go further in life. Or at least not be considered pimples on society's butt.

Also, to the one fella that complained about us not having more Umbrella Corp stuff, you are more than welcome to do your own haunt. I'll even give you a few tips! Have some disposable income, do a lot of research, and spend hours upon hours putting something together for people to enjoy. Don't worry there will be a few complainers that come by and tell you that despite all of your hard work it was missing something. Don't take it personal my little pimple, it's all par for the course.

With Halloween done with now it's time to pack up our props, pour our mysteriously glowing potions out and break out the suitcase. I have my packing list and a suitcase. Nothing has yet to make it from the closet to the suitcase. Also, I need things like shampoos, razors, and other travel sized delights. We are on a mission for clip on fans this weekend. I myself cannot live without the noise or breeze of the fan. I am incredibly hot natured. There will be very little sleeping and much cranky going on if I do not have a fan. We also get to take some drinks and water on board with us. So that means I am going to buy at least 6 bottles of Vitamin Water's "revive". These are hangover lifesavers and I do plan on having some hang overs.

To add to all the excitement, tomorrow is Hayden's final football game of the season! No one can be more excited than my sister, who has taken him to three practices a week plus games, on top of school, and tutoring... That woman needs a vacation more than I do. She won't have to dress anyone or feed anyone other than herself. I  think she might go buck wild. I am going to have to keep an eye on that one...