Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Infernum Canem Profluvium Disease

Sounds like a deadly disease doesn't it? Well it is. The danger creeps up on you. The symptoms are hard to diagnose at first, but there are a few things to look for. As it starts out, it  makes you feel like you are so lost in love and adoration for your small, furry, and scared animal that you just don't want to put her down. Then before you know it, you could  find yourself face down in the backyard at 3am trying to get some sleep after a long night of, well, I won't spoil it. I really don't want to alarm you, but someone needs to be honest, and tell you how it really is. This is the perfect cure for puppy fever. (not to be confused with Baby fever, or Bieber-fever.)

It's only been one week! It will get better right??

You don't know what you will be reduced to once the disease takes over. Each person takes it differently. I started out sleepy, and just days later, woke up late for work, and looking like death. My first week with my new puppy went smoothly. She had very few accidents, she was making friends with everyone in the house. It was probably the best new animal introduction I have ever had. But ever so slowly, she made her way from snuggling angel to Lucifina devil dog. It began with not getting into her crate at bed time. At first, both dogs slipped right in as soon as I prompted with the phrase "good night". Perfect. Soon, she had decided that bed time was NOT for her, and she would hide under the bed. I could coax her out, and take her to her crate. Then, coaxing turned to tricking, and tricking turned into, "GET IN YOUR CRATE OR I WILL EAT YOU!" 

So tired! But not hungry anymore...

The second issue, and certainly the most tiring, is the crying. Just for perspective, a vacuum cleaner's sound is somewhere around 70 decibels. I am confident that Miss Lillian reaches no less than 100 decibels. Which is as loud as, a jet take off. She doesn't just cry, she screams, screeches, and wails. She "yipes" and otherwise howls her displeasure at any situation. I am sorry neighbors. When I let the dogs out at 5:30 am, and she complains at the door. When she is put in her crate, she complains. When there is no food, or the cat won't pay attention she complains. Yes, she is a whiny little puppy. But she doesn't bark at strangers, or other dogs. She barks like she is cussing you out with the worst words a puppy could know. Thankfully she usually doesn't cry very long and goes to sleep pretty quickly most nights. But, at 3 am, when we are in a deep sleep, she knows exactly what to do to make me fly out of bed like the sheets are on fire. It terrifies me, because in my sleep, it sounds painful and scary.  But I never know if she is just mad and wants to get out and play, or if it is something worse.

Her puppy breath has a decidedly "brimstone" smell.

The "something worse" is an entirely separate and rather disgusting topic. But, because I am trying to save you from pain later, I will have to get into detail. Let's say, your new puppy, in all her pokey-puppy like charms eats a certain food at the times of your choosing. You do this to monitor her food intake, and her bathroom habits, because you are trying to be smart. But let's say, your pokey puppy finds the cat food, and nibbles, and then daddy gives a few tasty morsels form the table. These could be potential issues, but manageable. Now let's say that said pokey puppy, and her partner in crime brother eat almost an entire package of girl scout cookies. How they got these cookies? Hans is a master cookie thief, and jumped on the table while I had my back turned. How do you think that effects the bathroom problems? A shitty effect you say? A very shitty effect indeed!  The very next night, at 12:30 am, she woke me up making such a racket. I waited for her to calm back down, but she didn't. I got up to check the situation, and sure enough, my closet floor had been redecorated in smelly brown splatters. Rinse and repeat 4 more times until 5:30 am, and there you have it, puppy love of a different kind. 

Don't make eye contact. She will scramble your brain!!
 No one mentions these things when you get a puppy. You hear about the chewing, and the destroying most often, and she does that too. But don't forget behind these glossy puppy eyes, is a poop machine of demonic proportions, who can keep you up all night with her super sonic puppy crying powers, and makes you chase her down to get her outside before she poops all over your house. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Monday, February 20, 2012

A Sister Turns Almost 30

I bring to you good Monday tidings! Actually, I bring to you coughing, sneezing, body aching Monday tidings.
 The Corpus Crud Strikes Again
I am exhausted from this weekend's Gauntlet closing ceremonies. My family and some dear friends helped me throw a surprise party for my Sister's 29th birthday. With the Mardi Gras theme, a giant vat of shrimp boil, and beads and masks, we shocked my sister. The first thing she said to me as she was getting out of the car was, "What's going on? What are we feeding everybody?" Leave it to one of my mother's daughters to immediately worry about feeding people at a party that she didn't know she was having! But she should have known better, because no one leaves hungry. Even the 8 unexpected people that showed up. It was a good thing we had made so much to eat! Now, of course, it was no problem even with all the extras, and much fun was had by all. I suppose my surprise party throwing days are over for a while. I don't want people to expect it! Plus we were so close to having the entire thing blown by her husband not calling her back all day, and a few other things... But the one reason we pulled it off? We didn't speak a word of it to Mr. Pigglesworth. That boy blurts stuff out quicker than you can tell him the whole secret!

What does a nose picking mariachi have to do with it? 

Fabulous parties and sickness aside, we just completed our first full week with Lillian. She fits right in with the rest of us, and in case you need photographic proof, look at the picture at the end of this paragraph. Can we say "total animal harmony"? I am not sure if it is Lilly herself, or just the nature of the other beasts we have in our home that made adding our newest zoo attraction so easy. My only issues with her have been her skittishness, and attachment crying and howling. These are things we can work on, but for now, I have to trick her to come to me so I can get her in her crate. I am not sure what triggered her sudden dislike for her crate, but she hides when it is getting close to time to go to bed. It can be rather annoying, especially when you don't feel so good, and all you want to do is sleep. I suppose nothing could be 100% perfect, so we will work with her on her good night and good bye anxieties. Today I left the tv's audio on, so I am hoping this soothes the savage beastling. I have already taken to calling her Lucifina the devil dog, because she can be a handful. But she is a sweet girl, and we love her.

3 rotten babies, no waiting!!
The oldest memory that I can recall is standing in front of the nursery ward being held by my Daddy, and him telling me that the wrinkled and yawning creature behind the glass was my little sister. I was only 2 years and 5 months old. It made enough of an impact on me to become my very first memory. The past week, I have seen a rise in sibling rivalry, and sniping amongst a few in the Facebook community. Maybe it is that time of year or something, but I have the fortune of not understanding all the general nastiness towards one's brother's and sister's. My sister and I are best friends. We haven't always been that way, and yes, she was the annoying little sister, and I was the bad girl, and she the good girl, and so on. But that was when we were kids. We let that stupid selfishness and attention seeking type aggressions go as we grew up. My parents did an excellent job with us too. I probably wouldn't have half the respect and love I have for my sister if my parents gave us a bad example. While I know for certain that not everyone can have the close and loving relationship my sister and I have, I don't get why people who could, don't! You are missing out on one of the best things in life.

This love knows no end.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day is Not Just for Lovers!

I am not very shocked but so very sad to see so many disenchanted with Valentine's Day today. Well I am here to tell you to get cupids arrow outta your butt. You fail to see the scope of the holiday entirely. Yes, it is a ploy for you to buy even more mass produced commercial crap, but since it is connected to "Romance" the holiday is highly and sometimes hotly debated. But the holiday has been around before there were greeting card companies, FTD, and waxy chocolate offerings. You can't blame them, they just jumped on the highly lucrative band wagon. But I hear the same arguments over and over as to why Valentine's Day is a sham.

1. We don't "do" Valentine's day because I don't want him/her to spend $75 on flowers that will die, and balloons that get in the way, chocolate that will make me fat, and a card that has someone else's sentiments in it.  Hmm, I would put $1,000 bucks down on a bet that if your significant other walked in the door with all of the above, you would melt, get mushy, and feel utterly loved. That's the point you cynical hypocrite! Unless you just hated your significant other (and some do), you would fall victim to the oldest Valentine's trick! You felt special and loved on this the day of made up holidays! Ah-HA! But it is entirely possible that you adopted the sour disposition due to a clueless and unromantic spouse. If that is the case, I am sorry, and they need a butt whooping. It is all about a special day of love and appreciation, and even if the flower companies are profiting, and every one gets a heart box filled with fat, you still deserve the special attention.

2. I am single, and this holiday just makes me feel sad, lonely, and makes me hate the world.
It's true. This holiday is meant for lovers and romance. I am truly sorry that the others (like me) that enjoy the day, make you feel so unloved even if we aren't trying to. It isn't fair, and my idea is for you to not dwell on it. I know! How can you with all these flowers being carried around by these mostly unworthy hoochies and people asking where your flowers are?? Those nasty shrews! You have a reason to hate this holiday, and I give you leave to do so. But, instead of sulking, put a fun spin on it. Throw an Anti-Valentine's day party! Serve lemonade adorned with "sour grapes", and single serve pizzas. Make it into an event that is wholly your own. No need for a bad day, have fun with it! Who knows, you might meet someone at your party, and next year, you might not be throwing an Anti-Valentines Day Party.

3. We don't need a specific day to show our love. 
Oh that is so very true. I love my husband daily and I show it, by making dinner, kissing him, and telling him I love him every day. Every day I do these things, and we go about our usual life. We also buy what we want within reason throughout the year. So really we need no special occasion to declare our love. But, as with all holidays, we choose to observe it. What blows my mind is that people complain about Valentine's Day way more than any other highly commercialized holiday. Many have no problems buying $200 worth of crap to fill an Easter basket for your kids, but a plushy teddy bear holding a stuffed heart is offensive?? I don't get it. You can't say that it is in celebration of something religious. You tell me where in the bible it says that we are to buy sugar-encrusted marshmallow barnyard babies (peeps) and chocolate bunnies to shove in a basket filled with colored plastic grass, and then dump them out and use the basket when it is time to go hunt plastic eggs in the yard that are filled with even more chocolate. Even if you don't have kids, you buy expensive electronics and other various junks and wrap them up in honor of Jesus' birthday? Hmm hmm.

If you really love bashing the holiday than go ahead, as long as it gives you some pleasure. Hope your Tuesday was good, and :

Friday, February 10, 2012

Growing Things and Pains

No, that isn't what you think it is.....
Before I get into why I have a jar with a clipping of fragrant green stuff on my desk at work, I would like to remark on the scene just behind the focal point. See that hallway? Doesn't it look like the portal to freedom and hell at the same time? I suppose that is my own view of it. Anyway, back to the clipping of green stuff. It is basil! This past week my sister and I went to a place for lunch, and had some yummy pesto chicken panini sandwiches. The pesto was amazing! So I inquired about it, and the waitress said that the owner grows her own, right on the property, and if we wanted to, I could take some, and put the clipping into water, and it will sprout roots so I could plant it!  Challenge excepted! So I don't know how long it takes, or if I did it correctly, but I am hoping that I can plant this in a back corner of my yard, where I hear it grows like a weed. Yummy!! I have dreams of lemon basil soaps, lotions, and dinners and dishes galore. One tiny little plant, all these plans. I may just kill it with expectations!

Sir Griff of Deskshire!
 I have another new addition to my desk at work, thanks to my friend Danielle who knows I have been reluctant to buy another fish since Harbor passed. So she gave me this little fella who I dubbed "Griff" thanks to the artist's name painted on the bottom. I think the name just fits this hip little pet rock. Griff is very detailed and ever smiling, which make me smile. You can go see Griff (the artist) and his "Pet Rock Revival" at The Farmers Market here in Corpus Christi. Get there no later than 9 am on Saturday, and pick up some sweet carrots, farm fresh eggs, and a new pet rock!

This week has been torturous, busy, and is finally at an end.  My sister rescued a dog, and no one wants to claim the poor thing.(See here) Of course growing up in a domesticated animal petting zoo, we are soft hearted towards any creature in need. So after many hours of contacting animal groups, and calling groomers, and asking and telling everyone we could get near, The sad thing my sister named "Lady" for lack of a better name is moving onto my parents home. She is a good, sweet, and quiet dog who loves sleeping with my nephew. Now she is going to a house with many spoiled cats and 2 other dogs. I suppose it is like a retirement home of sorts. She is in great care, and to those who dumped their old, yet freshly groomed dog: you belong in a special hell.

I don't think she is old enough for a license...
 In other news, this is finally the weekend that Lillian comes home! All the build up of anticipation almost over! Now what to do with the rotten little thing once I have her? I keep hoping she and Hans fall madly in love and become two peas in a pod. If not, I have spray bottles, and I am not afraid to use them! I am sure they will play so hard they will be exhausted and unable to do anything other than snuggle with me and sleep. Cheers to good plans, and hopeful ideas! I'm off to decide what is for lunch, and solidify my plans for the weekend. I hope you have a fabulous weekend!