Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Girly-Girl Tomboy and her Dinglehopper

So I wrote my very first article last week for my new Examiner position, and the editor gave it the green flag! It isn't anything to brag about, but it felt good to have my  friends and family cheer me on and let me know that I am hopefully on a right track. I have always loved writing. I get a thrill out of writing something that is entertaining and informative. Plus, this goes back to the days when I was a kid. I wanted to be three things in life. First, I wanted to be a mommy. It is something I still strive for. I make up for the lack of children with spoiling my niece and nephews, as well as having fur babies. Second I wanted to be a writer. I didn't care what kind, I just wanted to go to U.T. (sorry to my Aggie friends and family!) and be an accomplished author. While I am far from accomplished, I am certainly closer to that goal than I was back then, heck, I am closer to that goal than I was on Monday! The third? Well this is slightly embarrassing, but I wanted to be a mermaid. When my sister and I were little we played for hours in the pool, pretending to be mermaids! Don't judge me! The little mermaid was big when I was a kid! I've never told anyone that secret, and now, I have shared it with you all. Consider it a thank you for reading this. Everyone gets commemorative dinglehoppers with every site hit!

While I may be far off from that best selling novel my husband has declared I write so he can retire, I am making small strides and that makes me happy. Although it leaves me less time for things like, laundry,  reading, and laundry. I know I said laundry twice, but you won't believe how much laundry we produce! I guess when I was old enough by my parent's standards to stay home with my sister in the summer, I was forced to vacuum and do laundry. I hated having to have to watch my sister and have chores. Even when my dad was working the graveyard shift and sleeping in the day, I hated that he would make sure the monster Shopvac that served as the daily cleaning tool was pushed out into the hall before he went to bed. I can at least say that we didn't always get up and clean the house right away. I mean I was 12, and Crystal was 10 when we stayed home alone. We played, and made lunch. We watched TV, and we fought. Crissy watched the Lion King 83.4 times one summer. I am not exaggerating. We knew when mom would pull into the drive. We had getting the house clean just before she got home to a science.

It is not that I feel that kids should go without chores, just don't give them ALL of the chores.  I teased my mom this weekend about having children only because she wanted help around the house. It wasn't as bad as it seems. We had a pretty normal child hood, and some of my favorite memories are of Crystal and I cleaning up the kitchen after hot dog night and playing hot dog baseball with the dogs. There were no rules to it, and I guess it would have been more aptly named "hot dog frenzy" because we would just toss pieces of hot dog up in the air and which ever dog caught it won. French fries were bonus!! We would laugh loud enough for mom to call from the living room and tell us to get back to work. Slave Driver!

Actually, if she had been more relaxed in her parenting, who knows how Crystal and I would have turned out. On drugs, kids running around not knowing their own mamas, worthless lumps in the world. We were better for being house cleaning slaves as children. Although I detest doing laundry to this day, I am thankful that when I went out into the world, I knew how to cook and clean. I almost feel sorry for some of the more pampered children these days, who go into the world clueless of how to survive. So thanks mom for teaching us the domestic arts, and how to be tough as nails. Thanks Daddy for teaching us common sense and the golden rule, also for giving me my own shot gun, and teaching me how to use it.  Because I might be a goddess of the domestic arts, but I could hunt for my own food and defend myself too. I got the best of both worlds.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Monday, Monday. Can't Trust that Day.


That is right! No "hello how are you", just two links for you to click on. Show me how much better you are at following instructions than I am, and do what these links tell you to do! Please help those of us that wish to fatten you up with our absurdly delicious baked goods, and be legally compensated for it. Face-bookers can go to http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/TexasBakersBill and read all about the cause, and what else you can do to help!

Now that I have that very important message out of the way, I wish to bid you good day! I hope everyone who reads this has had a spectacular week so far, and has grand plans for this coming weekend. Me? I plan on doing so many things that I will be unable to remember where I work Monday morning and eventually end up having to find myself another job. Mondays are killer for many reasons. People get to work and are focused for the week, so they tend to call more often and ask you for things. You are already not wanting to be there because you spent the last few days staying up late, and sleeping in! Did you know you are more likely to "go postal" on a Monday than you are on Friday? Shocking information!

I had a not-so-happy Monday yesterday. Mine consisted of being called in for a meeting in the boss' office (The Slimy Vampire) to be told that my supervisor (The Rabid Chihuahua) is leaving the company, and we are getting someone who is not properly licensed, and is going to have to be trained 100%. Also, she is getting married, so she won't be here very much till after her wedding according to the vampire. I really just hope she is nice, and that I can find a job that I really want soon. Until then, I will stay here, and do my part to keep this ship afloat. I was only slightly disgruntled about this turn of events until my co worker announces that she too will be leaving! Then, I went on strike, and got that stabby-punchy feeling. Because do you realize exactly how much work I will have?? I know you don't, so I am telling you- "I HAVE ALOT OF WORK." There is also the issue that I am not getting a penny more than I was last week, when I wasn't playing the roll of "Super Girl" taking on three jobs at once.

I am a little like Super Girl and a little like Carrie

So I will be living for the weekend, even more so than before, still making the same money, and end up being a whole lot more worn out. I am going to suggest mandatory hour massages weekly, and healthy snacks to be brought in. I can't be expected to take this burden on all by myself. Oh, wait, I am! Well, the office Nazi is still here, but that doesn't make me jump for joy. I can't even discuss things with him without needing a stress ball of sorts in my hand so he can't see my clenched fists. This does not bode well.

On the upside, I did take on a part time position at Examiner.com to be the the newest Infertility and Miscarriage Examiner. This means that a few times a week, I am writing short articles on things that I feel are important for people to know on this subject. I am excited! While it isn't a full time paying job it will be great practice for my writing skills. I will link the info as soon as I have everything squared away. This is just one step closer to writing that made for TV drama staring Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Joline entitled "I Got Yo Man". (Just kidding! ha ha ha)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring and Such

I love the fall, but my next favorite season is spring. Both seasons are brief, if they even come at all here in South Texas. Our weather is typically hot with widely scattered patterns of heat. Who needs a sauna when you have our free 100+ degree weather and humidity? It is the same reason why I will never need to perm my hair again. I am saving a fortune in hair chemicals! But spring is lovely. It is warm outside, but not face-melting hot. Things are green, and not the summer's signature shade of toasty brown. These few weeks are awesome, and I will be spending as much time as I can soaking it up. Sadly, most of the time I will be locked away at work. Thank goodness for hour lunches.
Spring Has Sprung, and Such!

But even when summer's temps are fusing our backsides to plastic lawn furniture, I enjoy myself. I love getting into the tepid soup of grass clippings, sand, and dead bugs that our pool becomes shortly after it is put up. I have been a sun worshiper since I was knee high to a tadpole. (as per Daddy's recollections) Yet, now I worship under spf 50 sunblock and a hat. I know, I can be such a kill-joy, but really. Sunburns suck, and skin cancer is a real threat. Don't worry, I still enjoy a few beers, so I haven't gone 100% goody-goody. This is the sort of thing that happens when you grow up.

Speaking of growing up... I have been doing very well on my change in diet, if I do say so myself. I even went to a Mexican restaurant with my family this weekend, and I didn't fall for the "Oh I have been so good" trap. Actually, I have had been surprised at myself. I guess I really did scare the cravings for junk right out of my brain. Friday, I attended the funeral for my friend Nick, and after the service had  lunch with a girlfriend.  I am with no doubt, an emotional eater. My friend and I are both Sonic chili cheese coney fans. We go for the tots too. (Yea, we bad.) I had every reason to order the foot long hot dog with tots. Yet, as if my right and left thighs talked it over and over-ruled me, I ordered the grilled chicken salad with fat free italian. I looked at my friend confused at first. Who said that!? But just then, my brain put my thighs on speaker phone for me, and they said "Girl, you do NOT need that junk food. Nick would rather you be healthy than for you to mourn him with chili and cheese."

Yes, I was shocked that my thighs cared enough to intervene too. All silliness aside, this hasn't been as hard as I had always said it would be. When Steve told me he wanted frito pie for dinner, I had no problem resisting it. I made myself a salad that was just amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was so healthy, it might have been illegal in a few states. I rewarded myself for my excellent choices by making a strawberry banana smoothie. Steve even had a glass of it, even though I didn't tell him it had greek yogurt in it. But he liked it! Sorry for tricking you Beebs! But yea, that was good stuff wasn't it? You will take that calcium and you will LIKE IT!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Seamstress , The Baker, The Bar of Soap Maker

Yesterday's post that I had originally planned was derailed by a man that had no idea what a blog was. Ironic, I know. But Nick deserved his own little slice of the web, and if I could do more, I would. Nick would want life to go on as usual, because that is what he would have done, and so it shall. 

This past weekend was pretty triumphant as far as hobbies go. I told you back in January that I desired to learn to sew. Well, I finally did it! The first project I decided upon was not the pants as I had originally stated. I went for the purse. Yes, the one with interfacing and interlining, and what not. But I didn't go unarmed. I had my mother as my guide. She did really well while teaching me. Much better than when she was trying to teach me to drive on the freeway for the first time, and shrieked at me at the top of her lungs when I didn't change lanes fast enough.  She was what I would call "high strung". I refused to let her teach me how to drive from that moment on. My daddy completed my hours with me. She totally redeemed herself during the sewing lessons. Better relationship healing through hobbies. It will be my first book I think! (not!)

So back to the purse. It actually turned out NICE! Yea, I know shocking for a first timer. I wouldn't say it was worthy to sell, because I stitch just as crooked as I write my ABC's. (my handwriting is atrocious!) But I was getting better towards the end, and the final product was cute enough to hand over to my sister. I did so with much pride. Now, I will be looking at making a second purse, and possibly a third. Because really, how cool would it be to be able to make what ever accessory you want? If I could make my own shoes, I might just never leave my sewing machine!

Also, Steve has been bugging to get his hands on soap making materials. He had a strong desire to make frilly smelly soaps, and who and am I to judge? So I went to Hobby Lobby, and purchased the materials, and we fired out a couple test batches. They came out wonderfully! We made lavender/rose/thyme, and he made a cinnamon vanilla. Our soaps also boast shea butter and aloe! Yes, very fancy. Steve, ever the artist, has even designed packaging.

If Texas passes the HB 1139, (The Bakers Bill) and allows us to start baking things like breads, cakes and cookies for sale from home, we may just be looking at "Beebs and Beebs Cottage Goods". I am looking forward to totally revamping the outside of my home to go with the cottage theme and writing it off on my taxes. So go to your state reps and make some noise about getting HB 1139 passed. If you do, I will give away a handmade purse with every cookie and cake purchase for the first 50 orders! 

Want more info in the HB 1139? Please visit: http://www.TexasCottageFoodLaw.com

Monday, March 7, 2011

Nick Poris, O Theos Na Tonanapafsi

I would like to dedicate today’s post to a little old man that I love. His name is Nick, and he works in our office. He has been here since the dinosaurs, or at least that is what I think. He is 88 years old, and has lived a long and full life. He refuses to stop working and driving. He goes to more funerals in a year than most of us have gone to in our entire lives. He has many friends that he has watched pass, and it makes him sad. He takes care of his long time friend who’s memory is slipping, and worries about him as if he is his own child, despite being only 2 years older than him. He truly misses his wife that passed away many years ago.

He is devoted to his church, and taking care of his lawn. If there is something sweet to eat in the kitchen, you can rest assured that Nick will find it. He can’t hear well and when you go in for a hug his hearing aids beep, and he will tell you “Oh! You rang my bell!” He is kind, and funny. He adores animals of any kind, even my fish Harbor. He is always quick with a joke and can take one with good humor. I thoroughly enjoy his company, and stories. At Christmas time, he was sad because he missed his wife most of all that time of year. He was so happy to see us put up a tree in the office, and told me that when he was a boy, they used to have candles on the tree, and it was a wonder the house never burnt down. He can still remember the first year that they had electric lights on the tree. I loved hearing about it.

He can tell me any old story and I would listen. He sits down to visit with me whenever he needs a break. I don’t mind not working if he needs my company. He is worth getting behind for. He is a grandpa figure, and I sorely miss my grandpa. He smiles all the time, and shuffles his feet when he walks. You can hear him coming a mile away. He calls me April May June, and notices when I have colored my hair. He hates when someone parks in his spot at the office, and it has become a running joke. He actually waited once in his huge old car in the middle of the road for 10 minutes while we made this carrier rep move from his spot.

This morning, he slipped away peacefully. He went to his wife, and all of his friends and family that have gone before him. He knew it was going to happen soon, and I knew it too. But we didn’t talk about those things. It was inevitable. I will miss my little old man and his daily phone calls to let me know he would be late coming to the office, and our chats when he stopped by my desk. He was a bright spot in my day. I am happy that I got to know him as long as I did, and maybe someday, if I make it to that big insurance office in the sky, he and I will get to chat again. Rest in peace Nick. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

Monsters and Epiphanies

The husband and I decided to try carpooling this week, thanks to the unbelievable gas prices. It hasn’t been so bad. He rides his invisible breaks on the passenger side (it cracks me up), and I don’t listen to NPR like he does, because it rots your brain. Also, I am Chatty Kathy, and he is mostly not awake. We both get to work on time! That is quite an accomplishment. The only issue I foresee would be one of us having to work late. All in all, we have done okay the past week. I am actually really enjoying it. 

Following last week's upheaval here at the office, I guess Murphy's Law decided to kick in with, Rule # 22 : If you think you had a hard week last week, wait until this week. Thank goodness it is Friday for pity's sake! I am officially DONE with this week. Not only did my rabid-chihuahua-like supervisor come into town but my boss decided he wanted blood, as it had been a while since he had taken some from me. Yes, my boss is a vampire, a gross slimy, alcoholic one that is no where near the new emo vamps of Twilight or the hotter than hot ones that I read about. He sucks at your will to work too. Who wants to really put forth your best effort after the boss figuratively tans your hide for something you didn't do, and he realizes it 1/2 way through our conversation, but won't apologize? Not me. Alas, my clients won't let me bum around, and flip the proverbial bird at my boss. 

What could go on that could make me want to forget an entire week?? Let me count the ways! I walked into the office Wednesday morning and went to my desk. Before I could even sit down, I tripped. My coffee spilled all over the 6 presentations that I had prepared the day before for a meeting that morning. Every single one was dripping in coffee.I had 2 hours and some change to fix it. I did it, but not without scaring the new hire away with my frazzled and freaked out answers to her questions. It was NOT a good time to come for help. The rabid chihuahua was very near, and I knew she would be biting my ankles the second she walked in the door.

I did fix it as best I could, and as predicted, the Chihuahua started zooming around the office being generally annoying and foaming at the mouth. But after that, she was subdued. Not a single yip from her the rest of the time. She must had gotten her shots updated. For those of you who are keeping track, I am confirming that I work with a Nazi, a Rabid Chihuahua, and a Slimy Alcoholic Vampire.

Yes, I know it is a shocking and very diverse group of individually annoying characters. But this job is a paycheck, not a passion. I deal with it. I know I am a regular hero, no need to send flowers. But in case you must, I will send you my list of birthdays, and you can help me look like a real hero when everyone on my b-day list gets flowers this year!

To add insult to my injury, I had to go to the doctor yesterday for a regular check up. It prompted a very unwelcome epiphany.  It was nothing the doctor said, it was more like what I realized after looking at some info in my chart.  I am by no means a small girl. I don't come from waifishly thin stock either. But in the past few years, I have allowed myself to get to a weight I used to tell myself I would never get to. I ignored and denied the obvious signs that I am unhealthy. I don't care what I look like. It isn't what is driving me. For some, that is motivation enough. For me, I needed the concrete evidence, and that is what I got when I stole a look at my chart. I am amazed I haven't been diagnosed with diabetes or high blood pressure. No matter, if I don't make a change, I will be diagnosed soon enough. I plan on losing 60 lbs as my first goal. But I am going to keep going, because slipping back into old habits is too easy. I know what I need to do, and I have already made the most important step I needed to make. I made up my mind to get healthier. I enjoy life entirely too much to ruin it by dying young. 

What a week! Anyone up for some rabbit food and a bike ride? I am.