Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Waxing Philosophical With Beebs

It's almost time for another birthday! Yay.
I am rapidly approaching the mark of my 32nd year. In 9 days I will be feasting on Mexican lasagna, and a cake of some delicious sort, and I am unable to muster much enthusiasm. Maybe because I am still very tired. I could curl up and nap right this moment. I'm still waiting on my machine, and thanks to Apria Healthcare, I am in sleep apnea limbo. There is a solution to this issue, but they won't hand it over... Stop holding my supposedly good night's sleep hostage already! I was promised certain things, such as feeling like a new person. I don't feel that right now. I feel like a narcoleptic who just ate an entire turkey stuffed with Ambien.YAWN.

It's time to start pinning down the details for the upcoming party.
The picture above is a hint to my Halloween costume. It's not difficult to guess from this blatant clue. I could have been more clever with my clue, but it's not like it's a big secret. I've told everyone that has asked! 15 days till the party, and I am just getting invitations out, and the hubby and I have been recruiting help for set up. We made an awesome new dude for our revamped display this year, I like to call him, "Gutsy Gus". He is certainly showing lots of guts! My husband is a real mad scientist. It is truly amazing how with a plastic skeleton, a few cans of expanding foam, and various colored spray paints, he can create something so gory and ghoulish. I am not ready to post pictures of him yet. he is going to be the "pièce de résistance" of our lab this year. If you can't make it to the party, you can always come by Halloween night, which is the only night our display is open to the public. Private tours are available upon request... hahaha

At least I used to be. Now I'm not so good at it thankfully.
This week, I have heard stories from two families who are finding out that their teen has been making very bad choices. It reminds me of when I was a teen and my mom found out that I was acting older than my age as well. I wouldn't say I was a wild child. While I wasn't making decisions based on my future, I also wasn't being brought home by the cops or ever had a punishment harsher than in-school suspension. I was drinking and smoking at the ripe old age of 15. I had a boyfriend that I got into a very serious situation with. I hadn't really thought of everything I was doing at the time. I did what I felt like I wanted to do. Consequences be damned. Remembering how I felt back then makes me cringe to think about what my kids could do in return to me.  While the teenage years were a nightmare for my mom and dad, it was also  a long road of hard lessons I built for myself. Honestly without those lessons, I don't think I would be here today. I could have prevented my own heartbreaks, but back then I was into blaming everyone else. I can at least say that as an adult, I know when I make my own misery and can at least admit it. But it wasn't just my own findings that made me grow up, I was my Mom and Dad too. As much as I hate to admit it, the harsh words and feelings that were conveyed from them shaped my morals. As I fought against their unfair punishments, and wished I could just leave, I was gaining a respect for them and hardening myself to deal with realities that seemed unfathomable at that point. While my heart is still broken from events that we can never undo, I know I am a stronger person despite the cracks. Thankfully, I did turn out to be a good person. I still make mistakes, sometimes even big ones, but that's because I am still learning. I hope I will never feel like I did as a teen again, when I thought I knew and could handle it all. I feel sorry for the teens who really think they know what they are doing. If you are lucky, you will have the same advantage of looking back and thanking your parents for being what you now consider unfair. Here's to hoping it will mold you into a person that cares enough about themselves and their family to not continue to be an idiot. If not, well I know enough people that never learned that lesson, and  because of them, I am even more thankful every day my Mom and Daddy didn't raise no fool.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

How to Make It Rain: A True Story

You can thank me in chocolate, Godiva will work.
I was the reason it rained. I wasn't even trying! Actually it all started on my way home from work Friday. I was happily toasting along in my toaster , singing along with the radio, and railing at the idiots surrounding me. My gum had begun losing it's flavor, and I decided I was done with it. So I rolled down my window to spit out my gum at the red light. I know that doesn't sound very lady-like and it wasn't, but you will just have to get over it. While I patted myself on the back for helping my town keep it's crappy road together with my little "patch", karma came flying back in my face, and slapped me as I was rolling up the window. The window made a grinding noise, and then sunk into my door, much like the Titanic did in the North Atlantic. No amount of cursing and button pushing made the window arise. So I did what every frustrated woman does in these situations, and called my husband with the incredible news. (it wasn't really that incredible) I asked him what I should do, and he very calmly told me to drive home. He didn't even laugh at me. He is stronger than I am, because if we had switched places, I would have laughed at him for asking me that. The next day I spent $155 for a window regulator assembly, and husband replaced it, and got me in working order again. Fast forward to Sunday, and this time Karma's brother,  Murphy's law comes to visit. I rolled down my window at my in-law's house to flirt with my husband while he was walking up the drive, and he jokingly said, don't roll down your windows any more! I laughed, and tried to roll up my window, and I heard a snap.

I'm pretty sure I looked just like this.
Needless to say, the heavy down pour was caused by my passenger side window falling into the door. Of course it was going to rain when my window was wide open! Why didn't I think of this before? Probably because spending $310 in a 3 day span on fixing my windows, never crossed my mind. Thankfully, before the rain began, we put up a garbage bag over the window, and made it home. No soggy toasters for me. So, in conclusion, please send me chocolate, if not because you owe me for the rain, then just because I like chocolate.

Get me outta heeerrrreeee!
This week has been long a stressful, and it's only Wednesday. Thankfully only two more days of this, and it's time to relax again. This morning I must have had the "call me" sign taped on my  back when I wasn't looking. I had all manner of calls today, ranging from idiotic to wtf. Normally Friday nights I relax with my sister and her family, decompressing from the week (this is also called drinking rum or whiskey). Sadly, they are going hunting this weekend with my parents, and leaving me here to drink by myself. This does not please me. But there is not much I can do. I am not a member of the "club". Yes, there really is a club. My Daddy happens to be president. Since I am not a full paying member I am not allowed to join in on opening weekend of dove season. Not that I can hunt if I could go, because I still need to take my hunter safety course. On the bright side, my best friend has moved home, and she and I can make a dent in my large bottle of rum together. It's time to put on some gloves and get elbow deep in body parts and blood. This will be my bestie's first Halloween without our spooktacular garage. I'm ready to show her what Halloween fanatics do with their houses this time of year. Muwahahahahahahaaaaaa

Monday, September 10, 2012

We Are Shameless Geeks

and milk I hope...

Tonight is the second sleep study where I am fitted and trained for my cpap machine. I'm feel slightly disillusioned after looking at the face masks, and other equipment available. I haven't seen anything "Darth Vader-esqe" yet, and I was so looking forward to trying to lure my husband to the dark side with cookies every night! I bet the masks only come in one color, and I want a purple mask! Maybe I can find something on Pinterest to help me decorate my mask, and machine. Blingy cpap? Why yes, thank you! I found these rather festive models, and I am happy to say, I will be breathing in style this Christmas season...
All masks are sugar cookie scented! 
Tuesday night, I plan on going to my nephew's 2nd grade open house. I didn't get to see his classroom or meet his teacher yet this year, but I will make sure that is corrected tomorrow. Mr. Pigglesworth is mainly excited to see the book fair that will be there. I am excited that he loves reading now. I was worried he would be like his mom and dad, or even his Gigi, and not like reading. But thanks to Crystal's perseverance, and Sylvan Learning Centers, he is a great reader! My little redneck genius in the making. I am so proud. But what boggles my mind is how he excels in math. It's amazing. My sister and I always struggled in math. I think the gene pool smiled upon him. My baby is sensitive though. I don't know if it is because of something we have done, or it is natural for his age, but he seems to cry  and get his feelings hurt pretty easily. We hope it's a phase because how awful would it be for him to get tackled in football, and then have him bawling his eyes out while he wails on the kid that hurt him. Sigh. I feel for my sister who has no idea what to do for him in that area. Perhaps it won't be so bad as he gets older. We can only hope.

We are big fans of his incredibly big brain!
If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be excited to hear a theoretical physicist speak, I would have asked you what you were smoking, and why you weren't sharing. But I am excited that this Thursday, my husband and I get to go listen to Dr. Michio Kaku speak at the A&M campus. If you watch the Discovery Channel, or the Science channel, you have seen him. I know we have seen him on plenty of shows, and he has quickly become one of my favorite scientist. One morning while still in a sleepy fog, I tuned the tv to a local news station to hear about what was going on in the world, when this blaring commercial came on talking about Dr. Kaku coming to our little town. I was shocked! That very morning at work, I sat down and purchased our tickets. I am glad I did, because it was sold out very shortly. The wait is over, and this Thursday, we will get to hear one of the most brilliant men in the world speak. It's not like you get a chance to do that very often, if ever. Well I do, but you know, I married him, so I don't need tickets.
Shameless, yet funny!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Hellions Strike Back

Having no more vacations till November makes me sad!
Yes I really am sad. No more days off until Thanksgiving is sad. That's officially 78 days away! Well, I am sure I will have plenty to keep me busy in the next few months. Such as, birthday parties, and visits from long lost friends, and my birthday, and then Halloween... oh yea. 'Tis officially time for the Gauntlet to begin!  It's that time of year where I do more cooking, cleaning, shopping, partying, and generally exhaust myself above and beyond my usual levels. There is no less than two major birthdays, and at least one major holiday, possibly two to contend with per month for the next 5 months. We aren't even checking off various functions, and charity events that I have yet to RSVP to. But even if it sounds like I am complaining, I'm really not. I love it. I live for this stuff. Making birthdays and holiday's special makes me happy. Almost as much as chocolate. Almost.

This is not what I was talking about. But it is amusing.
So I was going to tell you a story about my adventures with some friends at the Ski Basin on the Island.  When I went to search for a corresponding pictures for "floating noodles" this was one of the first things to pop up. While there is no point left to this paragraph, I want you to marvel as the idea of a lady serving steaming hot noodles out of a canoe. Genius I tell you!

Beach the boat. Jump out  and float.
Don't forget the drinks,sunblock, and a few hilarious conversations about the Fifty Shades of Grey series while the kids and men are out of ear shot. Mr. Piggy didn't take long to find friends, and we had such a good time relaxing. It's not often I get to ride on a boat, but I had a blast. But the next morning I woke up feeling like I had spent 12 hours working out to Buns of Steel. I can't even come up with a plausible possibility beyond butt cramps while I was sleeping.
This is exactly what my gluteus maximus feels like right now.
Besides possible butt cramps, and the holidays, the sleep center called with my appointment for next week's diagnostic and equipment fitting study. I'm excited to see what a difference it makes, as well as being apprehensive as to how I will really feel about getting the equipment home and using it. I am sure I can psyche my self up for it, and really, at least I won't be snoring any more. I can't wait to wake up and feel like I actually got some sleep. What a novelty!

What? I can't sleep without knowing you were up all night!
 Last night was a prime example, except the dogs were to blame. At 3:30 I heard that "OMG WAKE UP NOW" cry from Lucifina. She normally does that when something is amiss in the cage. Sure enough, someone up chucked in the cage, and she can't stand that. So I cleaned it up, gave them a new blanket to sleep on, and laid back down, but instead of falling asleep, Lucifina the hellion decided that she needed my attention, and whined for hours telling me so. I laid there and wondered how much vocal cord removal surgery was for dogs, and if I could get a two for one deal. 5am is not the best time to fall back to sleep, but what was I to do? I feel like the walking dead. Kudos to my new Avon concealer for making me look mostly alive. I recommend it for all walking dead trying to look normal again.