Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

You Put The Lime In The Coconut

Do you ever get so caught up in a flavor trend that you worry yourself? Lately my flavor of choice has been coconut. I blame it on coconut flavored sparkling water. It really is refreshing. We started out with that, and now I can't help but notice that most of the cold beverages I am buying have a coconut flavor. For example, Central Market brand has a kaffir lime and coconut Italian soda. This mixed with premium white rum and ice makes an amazing refreshing drink. It's simple and delicious. In fact, I am almost tempted to go back to my nearby HEB and pick up more just in case they sell out by next weekend. I plan on making this my summer drink of choice.

I am looking forward to the next couple of weekends. Next Saturday, I am going on a day trip with my sister to pick up her two miniature donkeys. Jax and Guinness are finally coming home, and I know my sister couldn't be more excited. To make it even better, they will also be welcoming their first longhorn calf named Big Tex, the following day. As if my sister didn't already have her hands full, she's now adding rancher to her many titles. If I know anyone who could handle it, she would be the one. I actually feel sorry for those poor animals. They will feel like life before my sister was torture. She will spoil them rotten, like she does everyone else. She's really good at that.

Of course America's independence day is coming up very soon. We love holidays and like to make a big deal out of cooking and getting our loved ones together. We decided on a hot dog bar, with a giant vat of baked beans, and chips. This sounds about as perfect the apple pies we will bust out before the fireworks show. We really don't need a reason to make all this, but we like to have an excuse. I think my nephew is slightly disappointed that there is no Uncle Sam and his team of freedom eagles to bring all patriotic boys and girls presents for being so American. He will have to console himself with some fun outdoor activities. This is South Texas and I have no doubts that it will be a hot mammer jammer. Water will be involved.

Even with all this wonderful family time and events coming up, things aren't all sunshine and roses. Stress has infiltrated my life in abundance. As strong as I thought I was, I was sadly shown that even I need help dealing with stuff. These past few months tested my limits and introduced me to a highly impatient and rather irritable side of myself. I didn't know how to stop it. Even with most of the reason removed from my sight, the residual issues have created enough of a mess for me to lose my cool. It is like someone came up to the little pond that is my life, cannon-balled, splashing half the water out, and left their trash around my shores. I'm in recovery mode and my first instinct is anger and the second is more anger.

I'm trying to reboot myself. Carrying this negativity around is heavy and I know it's not good for me. I can't avoid dealing with my disgruntled thoughts. It is easy to internalize your emotions for the sake of someone else, but then it backfires. I feel like I was on the verge of an epic explosion. I am glad that I didn't, because the damage would have been vast. I would have regretted things I had said, and damaged relationships beyond repair. This is not my goal. No lesson would have been learned, nor any good would have come of it. So I do what I always do when I have things to say, but no one needs to hear. I write, and promptly erase it. Every time a word document asks me if I want to save, I hover over the button just a second before saying no. Life isn't always about kicking sand in your enemy's eye. It's better to look them in the eye and know you can, but you won't.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Intolerance and Silver Linings

Here we are in the middle of 2014. For the first 3 months of our year, our life was getting into a new groove. At the end of January, I started a long term assignment with a 2 hour daily commute and 10 hour shifts. I was working every other weekend, but now work 12 days in a row and then have 2 weekends off. I start my day at 5am and get home around 6:15pm. I’m generally tired, but manage it. Just as we started picking up to full speed, we were asked to help out someone that was in a bad place. We agreed to change our lives and home around so the temporary fit into our world was as easy as possible. It was soon apparent that we were from different universes, not just planets. Combining them was about as smart as putting a hunting dog in the same cage with a skunk. In the course of ten weeks, our patience and charity was tested, abused, and eventually ran out. We decided that we needed our home back, and made it so. The relief was tainted by frustration and anger that it had to end the way it had, but there was relief.

Not only did this verify the adage that no good deed goes unpunished, the entire episode was exhausting. It's not completely over, as we are still boarding animals and storing furniture. Soon, this will be over as well. I have learned that I do not tolerate bullshit as well as I used to. Once upon a time, I may have endured or been bullied into giving more time, money and energy. That just isn’t the case any longer. We work too hard for what we have, and I refuse to be disrespected in my own home. I like helping others, but not to the detriment of our happiness. I have no obligation to destroy my own peace for unappreciative interlopers.

There is a silver lining. It's now just the two of us living in our home for the first time in several years. Our long term roommate decided to move to avoid the drama we were enduring. I can finally shower without worrying if my bedroom door is closed. My bra is optional when I change into comfy clothes, and I have an office of my own. My husband is able to lock the doors before bed without worrying if someone will be coming home after we fall asleep. Our home is once again a sanctuary, and if it's messy, it's our own fault. I can't tell you how wonderful it is. There is quiet. I would say you can't put a price on that, but the mortgage company says different.