Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Sleepy Poet and Her Ramblings

Just so you know, if you have not heard.... I go on vacation starting this Friday, and the party don't stop till Sunday after next!! I am very excited about clocking out and taking a real vacation. If only it wasn't so much work to get to the part where I can leave. If only our house was always visitor ready! If only we had spent the extra money to hire someone to do our yard for us! If only the laundry fairy would come and clean Mount St. Clothes in my bedroom! Alas, we are as they say, screwed. We are also exhausted. I am sorry family that is coming to visit. Because we worked so hard on getting ready, we will fall asleep as soon as we try to relax, and probably won't wake up for a few days. There is food in the fridge and coffee in the cabinet on the right hand side of the sink. Have at it! Oh, can you feed the dog every once in a while for me? Just throw some kibble in a bowl and call it done. Kthxbai!

DO NOT DISTURB (unless you have bacon, and then we will talk)
So last week, I had a request from a reader, that shall remain nameless, (mostly because I didn't ask for permission to use her name). She had been digging through some old items and came across a love poem that one of her ex's had written her. What I understood from the conversation is that it gave her the warm a fuzzies. That is so awesome. I read the poem in question, it was nice, really. I think writing your feelings down in a lyrical way or with clever metonymy is a beautiful thing! I know some that can wield the English language like a sword, and others who handle it like a limp noodle. I see myself as a fun-noodleist. I can't swing the sword, but I sure can float!

This is not a fun-noodle! This is a concentrating noodle! Get it right!!!
Most love poems are written while you are very happy, or very depressed. There are no "in between" poems. You never see poems that say:

You cleaned the litter box today,
You left your laundry in the washing machine again,
I'll let it go this time
Our son broke a window in the garage while playing baseball,
It is your turn to punish him. 
Maybe we will treat ourselves with the movies this weekend,
Call the babysitter.

90% of poems do not talk about how it is most of the time. I think that disclaimer should be added to english classes. *Warning, the contents of this poem do not reflect what real life is like most of the time.*

Oh my luve is like a red, red rose,

That's newly sprung in June:

Oh my luve is like the melodie,

That's sweetly play'd in tune. 

Or Reality:
Oh my Love is like a red, red disconnect warning,
That is newly left in the mail box.
Oh my love is like the dog barking,
never ending and loud.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


'Nuff said.

Grass has been laid. It may be unattractive at the moment, thanks to lazy grass farmers, but damn it, it looks like we laid a mostly brown carpet across our back yard! Thanks to twice daily watering and some recent actual-factual rain, it is greening up slowly. We had our siblings come to our rescue and help us with the big work. I can't thank them enough. I told Beebs that being an older sibling is pretty cool. I don't know what he fusses about so much. Now if only I could convince him that peanut butter and bacon waffles are suitable for dinner every night we would be good to go.

Heck yes! I knew I wasn't the only "weirdo" out there.

I have found yet another reason to thank my parents. They taught me how to prepare for company. Some would be fine to vacuum, mop and dust and call it a day. No no, you gotta get down in  the grout with a toothbrush, and bleach under the counters. I have had it argued that no one cares. I know this. Deep down in my soul, I know, that really, my guests aren't coming to white-glove my house. This is no matter. I was taught to prepare as if you are expecting the Queen of England in your home. That's how we do! Hopefully, I can live up to my own expectations.

She has your address, and her white gloves on... break out the good pledge!

In just 7 short days, our little house will be packed to the brim with Karg family members, and then some. We are excited. I foresee lots of laughing, drinking, and eating. I finally get to see my 2nd to oldest nephew Alex. Last time he was here he was a boy of 9, and now he is coming back as a nearly fully grown young man of 15! It isn't right. Stop growing kids! I need to start a coffee IV stat. Coffee stunts your growth right? or is that beer? No, I am pretty sure grandma Sarah said it was beer that would give you a mustache if you drank it, and coffee stunted your growth...

 I can practically smell the beer breath from here!! Probably drinks coffee too! 

Well, there is more work to be done in the yard, and laundry to be cleaned, and dogs to feed. My parents dogs are staying with us while everyone in my immediate family is in NY visiting my mom's side of the family. Yea, my mom's from New York! Big whoop! Wanna fight about it?? In other news, I had a blog request from a friend on Facebook in regards to love poems. I want to let you know, that I am working on that as my next post. I think that it would be a great idea to take ideas on blog posts from readers. If you would like to suggest a topic, or just want to say hello, please e-mail me at adventuresofbeebs@yahoo.com or if you are my friend on Facebook, just message me!

LMAO. icanhascheezburger, icanhasyoursoullllllll!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Heat Is Not Good For Brain Function and A Pig Turns 6

I'm soooo tired. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired my mind is set on you. You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm! You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain. You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane! - The Beatles

There are no words that could better fit how I feel today than these. I may twist them into my own meaning, because I am clearly not pining over a person. It is my yard. It is killing me. I totally remember why we have put this off so long. It is a lot of hard work! Also, it is expensive. But not as expensive as it would have been if we hired someone to do it for us. There is something to be said about the cash value of your own blood sweat and tears. I don't know what that is yet, but there is a lesson buried in the 2,000 lbs of composted manure with hummus sitting in my garage. I can't see past the amount of work that is left to see the silver lining. People have said, but you can be proud of yourselves for doing it on your own, and it will be worth it in the end! Yes, yes, I will be proud when I am relaxing. Right now, it is 102 degrees outside, and crabgrass is now a cuss word in my home.

Mr. Sock Monkey is lost in my yard. I'm sending the search party hound out for him.
Go get 'em Hans, and try not to rip his stuffing out before you get him here!

See? The heat is frying my brain.

Today is a very special day! My nephew Hayden is now 6 years old! I find this terribly cute and unacceptable. He already received his present from me, because he wanted it so bad, and I am just as impatient to see his excitement. So he received his bike on Friday. It has a kickstand, and is super fast. No training wheels to be had here. He is an amazing kid, and so very silly just like his Mommy and Auntie. He is animated and hilarious, and I can't get enough of him. I love it when he stays over at my house, and we have our talks about everything under the sun.

Hayden came home on Father's day. We called him "Biscuit Wrap"
At 1 years old, he cornered the market on cute. I called him "Boogie Monster"
At 2, he didn't want kisses or lovin', he wanted to RUN. I called him "Boogie"
At 3 he was still running, but really becoming his own person. I called him "Sugar Booger"
At 4 he was a little less shy and way more wacky. I called him "Sugar Booger"
At 5, he was starting school, and making friends wherever he went. No longer a baby. I called him "Piggy"
At 6, he is moving onto 1st grade. He is sassy, and so very funny. I call him "Piggers"
 I will forever tease my nephew Hayden because he was born right in the middle of everything, and always seems to be in the center of every one. He was born in the middle of the year (June), the middle of the month (15th), in the middle of the week (Weds), and the middle of the day (3 pm or so). He was also born in between his parent's wedding and my wedding. See what I mean? Smack dab in the middle. If you are wondering about all the nicknames, well that is just how we roll in my family! Happy birthday Piggy. I hope you woke up today whistling and snapping your fingers. Your Auntie April and Uncle Beebs love you.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Why My Office Should Have a Lexapro Dispenser in the Kitchen

My nerves. They are frayed. My boss is on the last one.

I'm going to write the labor board, maybe OSHA, possibly FEMA. I am not sure yet. I believe that when you work in an office with bosses like mine, you should be given a jar of anti anxiety pills like a jar of peppermints, and be offered free refills. If something doesn't give soon, I may end up in a padded room. Or at least packing my stuff and hoping McDonald's still has a burger-flipping position open. Daddy would be so proud. But at least I would retain my sanity.

Custom fit for safety and comfort!

Yesterday was a test in patience and working under pressure. I am cool calm and collected under that kind of time crunch, usually. But add in a boss who is making demands and threatening, and I will start muttering under my breath, and eventually I will snap. Well I deserve an award because I didn't snap yesterday, even though I was above and beyond that point with him. We had a large project, that as usual he gave us very last minute. Needless to say it was 5 min till the deadline for this project, and he was walking out the door threatening us about how mad he was going to be if he was late with the proposals. Without going into too many details, he had known about this project since 5-9. He didn't give it to us until 6-3 @ 1:30pm. I stayed late on 6-3 to e-mail him a rough draft. Monday he doesn't respond to my rough draft. Tuesday morning, there is a fax on the machine from 10:30pm the night before. They were his illegible revisions. We fixed and retyped. He doesn't come in till 11:30am, and then leaves again till 1pm. As we are FINALLY going over the product, he is too busy texting and e-mailing from his phone to pay attention. 2:30 pm, we do the final revisions. Trying to reformat, and do many other things we make it to 3:30 and we are copying and binding. 3:50 The big boss is making rude remarks and pacing behind me. 3:55, I go sit at my desk and do this:

Thank goodness for co workers than keep me sane, and my friends and hubby that listen to my ranting. Even with their kindnesses, I was worn thin when I came in this morning. The Office Nazi picked a bad day to be condescending and rude. He wasn't even directing his attitude at me, and I was losing it. His aggressive and relentless, not to mention LOUD grilling of my co worker, made my hackles rise. So much so. that I couldn't concentrate on what I was working on. So I did the last thing I could do without going postal. I tuned into my Pandora, and turned up the volume. Take that jerk! Also, my blood pressure came down quite a bit. It hasn't been the only pot hole of the day, or hell the week for that matter. It sure would have been easier if we had those pills... maybe I would be thinking this:

Instead of this:

Going, going, gone postal!!!!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Short, Sweet, and Mostly On Fire

Drama. My family has it. We are normal (mostly) people, who sometimes have severe personality clashes. We fight, then we get over it. (mostly) On occasion, a disagreement goes into sudden death overtime. I don't know about anyone else, but by then I am SICK of it. That is the point I am at now. Sick of the back and forth and the sniping. I am stepping out of this one, and the two parties can snap at each other without me as a go between. Good luck y'all, and let me know when we can be normal again and have a barbeque. kthnxbai!

I have episodes of True Blood season 3 on dvd to catch up on. I really love this show. I love the books too, but this show is just awesome. Every episode has me yelling at the screen, "OMG! I can't believe that just happened!" The hubby doesn't watch, but he gets curious as to what has me all worked up, and he comes skidding into the room, asking me to rewind... HA! It is addicting isn't it? Just watch the show with me! Alas, he won't. He will just continue to interrupt me, and make me rewind "the good parts".

Just so you guys know, if you didn't hear, we didn't win last weekend's bbq cook off. =( We didn't even place. =(( Which was a total bummer, but we had a GREAT time. Pictures to be posted soon. We had 2 teams, and we were 4 ladies total. Hawt stuff. Our brisket was so tasty and juicy, I don't see how we missed our marks, but I am blaming my brother in law and Daddy for coming by to mess with our fire! Hands of fellas, we got this!!! But it is okay, we already have a game plan for next year, and we will win!!

Our T-shirts Were Awesome!!
Ever had a large project to finish within 30 minutes? Yep, gotta get back to the grind. But I have more to post later. Many things to post later! Happy Friday yall!