Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Stripping Sounds Like A Good Idea Right About Now

Oh Gawd it's hot!
Those of you who live in the Northern hemisphere know that it's summer time. They said on June 20th, summer officially began. What they didn't tell you is that the temps normally reserved for the dog days of summer (July 23rd through August 23rd) are starting now. Yep, those 100+ temps are already here melting our faces and the pavement. With our severe to extreme drought conditions throughout the country, we are set up for a dry and crispy summer. Is it bad that I am at least hoping for a small tropical system to come our way? Not one so strong it could knock over a house, but one that will water our lawns and possibly cool us off. (Hold the mosquitoes please.) With no rain, and these continued temperatures, we might as well go throw some Old Bay seasoning, potatoes, and corn in the Laguna Madre. The crab boil will be done by October. It's BYOB. You can bring the dessert! I like car baked chocolate chip cookies. No, I'm not kidding. Here is the legit story and recipe. I am going to have to try this soon. What have we got to lose? Absolutely nothing! But all this chocolatey goodness to gain.

Bake in oven-like car for 2 1/2-3 hours. Best air freshener ever! 

Speaking of hot, there is a certain movie coming out that has strait males all over the world rolling their eyes and grumbling over. Let me point out something to you... Movies with strippers for men: Striptease, Grindhouse, Showgirls, From Dusk till Dawn, Sin City. Movies with strippers for women: The Full Monty. In case you forgot about it or never saw it, let's do a quick comparison.

Demi Moore in Strip Tease. Wowza!
The Dudes from The Full Monty. NOT WOWZA!!

So give your lady a break over going to see Magic Mike this weekend. It's finally balancing out. She may even be frisky when she gets home. You might take advantage and get a pull away tux and have some thumping music ready for when she comes home. Treat her to a private dance, and you just may get tipped! *Wink!*

I am going to the movies myself this weekend. Not to see men, but to see a zebra dressed as a circus clown. Hayden asked me to take him to the movies this Friday night because he wanted to see something. I asked him what he would like to see, and he said he didn't care. I have a feeling he is craving popcorn and soda. I don't mind at all. I loved Magagascar 1&2, and I figure 3 will be entertaining. However, I will be sad due to not being able to eat a bucket of popcorn alone. I plan on smuggling some low fat popcorn in my extremely big bag, but it is no substitute for the real thing. I hope I am not caught in possession of a low fat substance I hear they give you 5 to 10 in the big house for that one. I'd rather smuggle in popcorn than blow my calories and fat for 3 days on ONE tub of popcorn.  It is 77 g of fat and 55 g saturated fat without butter added for a large, with the extra butter, you're looking at 126 g of total fat and more than 70 g of saturated fat. It's just not worth it.

Monday, June 18, 2012

A Master's Degree in Beebsology

With less pressure and no tuition!!

Thanks to my sister from another mister, Laura, I did what I always said I would never do I went back to school. I'm taking an online course through corsera.org with Princeton University, learning the introduction to sociology. It's 100% free, and it doesn't count as a college credit, but it is expanding my mind, and that's what counts. Actually, this is my second course I am taking through corsera.org, the first was computer science 101 with Stanford University, where I learned about java script, and coding amongst other things. In fact for the next few months, I have loaded up my schedule to spend at least a few hours every week to "attend" online class, normally during my lunch hours. Next month I start a class on fantasy and science fiction, then in September I have a poetry class, and last but not least, a Greek and Roman mythology class. It's the last one that I am most excited about, because I love that particular subject. It has been fun so far. I enjoy the subject matter. I think it is so cool that I can take these classes, and not worry about grades or performance. I get to learn new things with little pressure. Also, the odd mix of classes picked don't go with any one course of study. If it did, it would be a bachelor degree in Beebsology. 

I'm missing a corn sack somewhere...

I went to the doctor about 2 weeks ago, and my total weight loss was somewhere around 40 pounds. According to my brother in law, that is the equivalent of losing a sack of corn. (That's the redneck way of saying I am doing a good job.)  As excited as I am to be free of the corn sack, I am not so over the moon to realize, that I still have 3 and a 1/2 corn sacks to go before I am into the healthy weight range for my age, which is my ultimate goal.  I do feel the weight loss, but I am no where near ready to throw out my closet in search of smaller items. 40 lbs on someone that is overweight by 40 lbs is an amazing transformation. But on myself, the change is less dramatic. The subtle changes I see, and others notice is most apparent in my face. Yes the belly bulge is smaller, and my thighs are definitely shrinking, but it will take another 40 lbs to really make a difference in my clothing and appearance. I was hoping that some of my fat might run off of my belly and go to where I am lacking. Alas, my pancake butt remains.

You will burn to a crisp before you get wet!!
Water parks and I don't mix well. But I will do anything for Mr. Pigglesworth, and that includes going to a water park this weekend. Not only am I going, but I will be there for several hours, and going on rides with him. Why go at all, you may be asking? Because he wants me to. What's the big deal with water parks you may wonder? Well the picture above is a perfect example of one reason. The lines you endure, in the direct sun, with no shoes on, while creeping and crawling up the stairway, sucks. Plus you have stood in line for 45 minutes to get to the top of a scary slide that takes you 5.4 seconds to rocket down. Once you get down the slide, my second reason for not liking water parks takes place. It's the mother of all water slide wedgies, and there is no possible way you are gonna shake or side step out of it. This is possibly going to take surgical removal, and you have no choice but to dig in there in full public view, and retrieve your suit. There is only so many people in this world that I would go through those tortures for, and my nephew is one of them.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

How To Love Thy Jerk Neighbor, and A Pig Flies!

Yea. Some one tipped over my honey bucket alright...
What do you think of when your doorbell rings at 6:30 am? I think it's the cops, and someone is dead, or something equally horrible has happened. No one ever hears someone knocking on their door that early in the morning and thinks, "YAY! Party!". Well when the doorbell rang this morning, I woke up my husband. I was preparing for the worst. Thankfully, it was just the neighbor directly behind us. Who informed us that my dog has been waking him up every morning with his barking for the past 5 mornings, and he thought he would return the favor by waking us up and letting us know. Tomorrow morning, I plan on ringing his doorbell at 5:30 am, and apologizing for the dogs barking. Because, that would be the neighborly thing to do, right? 
My dog and I are so sorry, so we baked you some brownies!

Once the bad day ball got to rolling, it just took off. I'm still trying to catch it. In the wake of this mornings issues which just put me in a shitty frame of mind already, I left my house without my lunch. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but it is today. Thankfully, I have packets of cream of wheat at the office, and will not starve. But in all reality I would prefer to go home, and call this day over. These are the days that I miss drinking alcohol the most. I have 3 more days of torture before we can party like it's 2005. Friday Mr. Pigglesworth turns SEVEN.
He's wacky and cute!
 My heart breaks, and is full of pride at the same time. Just seven short years ago, he was a wrinkled, old man looking baby. Even back then we knew he would be the center of our universes. Now, he is teaching me how to throw a baseball like a boy, and making me be the trailer to his boat in the pool. Apparently, I am also the "slow horse", which I take exception to. Day by day I am hopefully perfecting his common sense with my general silliness and crazy proclamations. He doesn't believe me when I tell him I let my dogs drive my car to Papa and Gigi's. But at least he laughs, and tells me "Nuh uh!". Which is good, I want him to have more common sense than most people I meet these days. Recently my sister and her husband took the kids for the Orlando dream vacation, to America's most expensive wonderland. While he was there, he took the plunge off a 120 ft high water slide without batting an eye. He just marched right up there, said "bye" to his parents, and went flying down the slide. Fearless. His birthday will be fun, and yes he will be even more spoiled than he was before, but that's okay, because we love him, and that's what families do. Happy Birthday Mr. Pigglesworth!

It's called the Summit Plummet, and according to him, it was AWESOME!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

L. L. A F. W. My P. On The G.

Hallmark, Selling Cards for every occasion since 1910

It's only June 6th, and my calender looks like the Hallmark company's dream. 3 birthdays and Father's day? CHA-CHING! This means lots of celebrating, and good old fashioned, restraint. Normally those things wouldn't go together, but this is my practice run for The Gauntlet (aka the holidays). Food will be everywhere, temptation to stray will be strong, but the fear of the pain returning is stronger. Plus, who doesn't want another $30,000 hospital bill? Ah, that would be me. Also, losing weight is nice too. Although, that has hazards of it's own. My pants are really big, and apparently I've lost enough to require a belt. But I didn't have one on Sunday, and when I stepped out of my car after visiting my parents and My pants fell right off, and I flashed my green undies at least 3 houses. Well, as soon as I picked up my saggy drawers and wrangled my dogs inside, I forgot all about the issue at hand and set off to finish up dinner. Even when I kept hitching them up, I wasn't thinking about looking for smaller pants. After dinner, I made a trip to HEB, and as I was walking in I realized that I was going to have an issue. So in the meat aisle, I rigged up a belt made out of my key lanyard, and it worked! Of course when I got home and settled, and was relaxing, I removed the makeshift belt. The second I stood of course my pants dropped to the ground, and I quickly picked up my pants, and what was left of my dignity and went to bed.

Yes sir.....

 Today my sister and her family are returning from their Florida vacation, and I am so happy to have them back. I can't wait to hear about Disney, taking pictures with alligators, and the ride on the air boat through the swamp. The tale will be all over the place, parts will be repeated, and wild flailing limbs will be used to gesture, and I am almost certain he will be on his scooter riding circles around me. But that's okay. Mommy will give me the cliff notes, and Hayden will give me the extended direct to DVD version. I like it that way. There is nothing like an excited almost 7 year old tell you about a roller coaster, while reenacting it. I am planning on some serious pool time this weekend, because I am certain it will be too hot for anything else. Also some food on the grill will be in order. Sounds like a plan to me. Relaxing is just what the doctor ordered to bring my stress levels down. Two more days to freedom! Except I forgot Friday I will be gone all day for an industry event, where I am expected to learn things, and hear things. The prospect doesn't excite me, but I suppose I should be grateful that I don't have to endure the office. But I have a feeling after my 6th lecture of so call insurance related information, I will be ready to cut and run. Kinda like this...