Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Warning: Graphically Luscious Contents Inside

Oh my, my, my.....
This is the 3rd sexiest thing I have seen all day. (1.The Beebs 2. The ice cream sundae above)
Now that you are drooling... Sorry about that! I need these two things right now, like you need air. I crave different things right before mother nature brings me my gift. Some people feel it in their bones when bad weather is coming, and I get monthly cravings like a pregnant woman. Recently, I have craved things like blackened fish, or beef and broccoli, once even Fritos with bean dip. I also crave chocolate constantly. Lots and lots of chocolate. In place of my savory cravings this month, I have opted for salted caramel brownies, and an ice cream sundae. Which is all fine well and good, but I am trying to lose weight, not gain it.So I am at a loss as to what to do. Should I stay on track, or should I call a mulligan? It is so hard to decide!

Tonight is another Piggy and Auntie sleepover. I get to pick him up after work, and we will do Piggy and Auntie things at the house. Which usually means eating and watching Sponge Bob. But hey, we aren't hard to please. We will make homemade pizzas for dinner, and pancakes and bacon tomorrow for breakfast. Saturday, we will be swimming. Easy to please! For Sunday, I believe I owe my husband a trip to the movies to see Aliens and Cowboys, since I made him take me to see the very last Harry Potter movie ever last Sunday. (on opening weekend no less) It seems my cleaning and laundry avoidance plan is in place for the weekend!

I find it funny how much I have learned to detest cleaning so much. Most of the time people blame it on the way their parents lived. "Mom didn't clean her house every day, so neither do I!" Well my excuse is something like that. But most people would relate to my reasons in terms of food likes and dislikes. Beginning at the age of 12, my mother and father deemed me mature enough to watch my sister while they worked during the summer. At the same time I was deemed mature and responsible enough to watch my sister, I was also knighted as chief housekeeper, and allotted my own 10 year old sister assistant. I was required to vacuum the whole house, wash, and dry everyone's laundry, and to dust. My assistant had dish duty, and had to "pick up" the living room. Every summer for the next 5 years I was deemed chief housekeeper. Not to mention we washed dishes after dinner every night.
Imagine that is me, and the boy on the couch is actually a cute little blond haired girl. HA!

Now I know it is normally a wonderful thing to teach your children responsibility. It is also important for everyone to know how to take care of themselves. If I have children you can bet they will learn how to clean, and cook. These are basic survival skills. But my Mom was going through menopause. There was no pleasing her. I was yelled at almost daily for missing spots with the vacuum, or not dusting enough. At 12, I was rebellious enough to make sure my bedroom was a pigsty, and rarely clean it. Deal with it Mom!  Finally menopause let us have our mom back, but by then I was in my teenage years, and I had gone buck-wild. As my sister grew up she took my place, and I bolted for the door at the age of 18.

So long story short, I hate cleaning because my Mom made me do it as a kid. The same with tomato soup for me. I hate tomato soup because my mom fed it to us around every other day as kids. I can't even make it without gagging. So you see, I swear I have a legitimate reason for not wanting to clean my house unless company is coming.  It is just like you not liking tomatoes, mayo, or eggs. Funny observation: While I detest cleaning, my sister is a clean freak. Guess she didn't get enough of the wrath.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Every Beebs Is Working For The Weekend

I am now 5 days P.V. (post vacation), and it is still amazingly hard to get going in the mornings. It took me zero time to adjust to sleeping till 9am, but lord help me if I need to get up at 6:30 am. Not to mention getting the hubby out of bed is like asking politicians to agree on a national budget. Bah-dum tishhhhh! I just need to keep up with my 6:30 am wake up call through the weekend. Maybe that will trick my body into setting itself back to rights. That is my plan any way, I'm not saying I might accidentally slip and turn off my alarm and sleep in. Don't judge me!

I see you judging me!!

So occasionally, I get the cooking bug. I didn't have it AT ALL while on vacation. Which is odd. Possibly because we didn't have schedules. Like I said before, we ate and ate and ate and ate and, well you get the point. But we had junk food for miles, and are still fighting the leftovers we have. (The trashcan is only so big!) So I have decided that I need to make cupcakes. Specifically lemon cupcakes. Even more specifically homemade from scratch lemon cupcakes with lemon/cream cheese frosting. I swear I amaze myself with my randomness sometimes. Why just last night I turned my kitchen into a mexican restaurant and made some kick-butt carne guisada plates. What was initially planned for our family that was here was intercepted more than a few times. So the hubby and our on again off again (currently on again) boarder feasted like kings.


So yes, we have my youngest bro-in law staying with us again.  It is always an adventure to have someone staying with us. Not that it bothers either of us, but life is different when you share your common spaces with someone other than yourselves. The spontaneity of togetherness as a couple (if you know what I mean, wink-wink smile) either becomes very creative or non existent. Also, you are unable to hang out in your underoos. Which isn't such an issue, but come on, there are days you just don't want to put pants on! Am I right?! Well, out of love for our boarder, I will not do that. But there are other things like, having someone we have to behave around. Less temper-tantrums are thrown when there is a 3rd party within shouting / door slamming distance. Which is pretty much a moot point because the hubby and I are getting along quite fine these days. Adjusting dinners is a little hard, but my plan is to cook for my normal 2 people, and make sure the boys get the majority. What an inventive way to lose some of this vacation flab right?

Any who, the weekend is here. I am ready to enjoy it. Got a friend coming for dinner and drinks tonight, tomorrow is swimming pool and bbq, and Sunday Beebs is taking me to see Harry Potter and then to a late lunch. He doesn't know about it yet, but I think we both deserve a date. Wish me luck on my cupcakes, and eminent sunburn!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Full Body Girdle Needed for Walking Impared Woman

I returned to work from my vacation yesterday. People have been asking me, "How was 10 days away from work?" It was fattening, that is how it was! Even my earlobes gained a pound or two. I am not kidding. I feel like I need a total body girdle now.

This will work. Sexy huh?

Other than eat, we didn't do much else. It was a stay-cation without the touristy crap. I was almost claustrophobic with the amount of inside time though. Note to self for next stay-cation: Plan more activities rather than eating and sitting. If I would have thought of it at the time, maybe I could have prevented the excessive weight gain! It is probably a really good thing we didn't get to make the chicken fried fajitas with cheese sauce. I think I may have had a heart attack. The scale already says I weigh 3 lbs more. This cannot turn out well. Pass the salad, please!

On my 10th day of vacation, I bent over to discipline my youngest nephew. He was being a "turd", as I would say.  As I bent over to tell him to stop it, something in my back screamed "WRONG MOVE IDIOT!", and from there I went down like a ton o' bricks into my brother-in-laws recliner.


After about 25 minutes of recovery, we left to my parents house, because we were going to swim in the new pool. (I am a sucker for pools.) My mom, is the O.G. Dr. Mom. Ever since we got her on the internet, she is a disease diagnosing, treatment doling dynamo. I have to hand it to her, she is pretty good at spotting some strange stuff. So, Mom decided that she needed to do this stretching move with me. Now, not all of mom's treatments come from WebMD. Sometimes, she flies solo, and makes crap up. Or so I think. She tells me to stand in front of her. She sits in her recliner, puts her feet in the small of my back, and pulls my arms back. It looks like this:

Feel better yet? No? Let's pull harder!

Except this pose is only stretching my shoulders... not my lower back. Also, who taught my mom yoga? Specifically partner yoga?? Sigh. The things these parents read on the internet. I swear! In conclusion, I hobbled to the pool, fell in, and for 2 solid hours I floated because it felt so great. Of course the minute I got out the pain came back. It was good while it lasted. Also, I am sun burnt on my back like a freaking noob!By the time we made it to bed, I was miserable thanks to my sun burnt back. My first day back to work consisted of me hunched over walking like some hip-locked granny. I went as far as wedging my purse in the small of my back while I sat in my chair. No help. Good part is, the hubby takes care of me. He made dinner, brought me sodas, and even let my dog out of his cage. What a good man. Too bad his wife might end up with a walker before her 31st birthday. OWIEEEEEEE!!!!!