Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Full Body Girdle Needed for Walking Impared Woman

I returned to work from my vacation yesterday. People have been asking me, "How was 10 days away from work?" It was fattening, that is how it was! Even my earlobes gained a pound or two. I am not kidding. I feel like I need a total body girdle now.

This will work. Sexy huh?

Other than eat, we didn't do much else. It was a stay-cation without the touristy crap. I was almost claustrophobic with the amount of inside time though. Note to self for next stay-cation: Plan more activities rather than eating and sitting. If I would have thought of it at the time, maybe I could have prevented the excessive weight gain! It is probably a really good thing we didn't get to make the chicken fried fajitas with cheese sauce. I think I may have had a heart attack. The scale already says I weigh 3 lbs more. This cannot turn out well. Pass the salad, please!

On my 10th day of vacation, I bent over to discipline my youngest nephew. He was being a "turd", as I would say.  As I bent over to tell him to stop it, something in my back screamed "WRONG MOVE IDIOT!", and from there I went down like a ton o' bricks into my brother-in-laws recliner.


After about 25 minutes of recovery, we left to my parents house, because we were going to swim in the new pool. (I am a sucker for pools.) My mom, is the O.G. Dr. Mom. Ever since we got her on the internet, she is a disease diagnosing, treatment doling dynamo. I have to hand it to her, she is pretty good at spotting some strange stuff. So, Mom decided that she needed to do this stretching move with me. Now, not all of mom's treatments come from WebMD. Sometimes, she flies solo, and makes crap up. Or so I think. She tells me to stand in front of her. She sits in her recliner, puts her feet in the small of my back, and pulls my arms back. It looks like this:

Feel better yet? No? Let's pull harder!

Except this pose is only stretching my shoulders... not my lower back. Also, who taught my mom yoga? Specifically partner yoga?? Sigh. The things these parents read on the internet. I swear! In conclusion, I hobbled to the pool, fell in, and for 2 solid hours I floated because it felt so great. Of course the minute I got out the pain came back. It was good while it lasted. Also, I am sun burnt on my back like a freaking noob!By the time we made it to bed, I was miserable thanks to my sun burnt back. My first day back to work consisted of me hunched over walking like some hip-locked granny. I went as far as wedging my purse in the small of my back while I sat in my chair. No help. Good part is, the hubby takes care of me. He made dinner, brought me sodas, and even let my dog out of his cage. What a good man. Too bad his wife might end up with a walker before her 31st birthday. OWIEEEEEEE!!!!!

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