Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The End Is Nigh, and Whatnot!

The kid and the pool have both grown!
Happy Wednesday Y'all! I have a very important announcement before we get started: My nephew has declared that Papa will be opening the pool for swimming this weekend! Of course this means that I am required to attend the opening gala barbeque. My date can't decide on his angry birds t-shit or the one that says "Hot Dog It's Friday"! I am of course, required to match. I wonder if he will be providing the fun noodles or if I will. I must call him when he gets out of school and verify. Time to get some spf 50 and polish my sunglasses.

This is how we die....
So, here we are at the very end of March, and once again, doomsday is back on my mind. Why? Because everywhere I look, there is a new movie, a new book, a new special on television, and let's not forget the choking numbers of online videos that range from laughable to intriguing. I keep an open mind. I read, I watch to some extent, and I listen. Just yesterday I was received an impromptu lesson on Nibiru (aka Planet X) and the predictions and possibilities that come with it. A couple days before that, I read a short story called Renewal my friend sent me,  a few days before that I watched The Hunger Games, and the week prior I watched Book of Eli. They all had the same theme, the world will end, and it will be bad. If you survive, you will most likely wish you didn't. Oh sure, there are utopia-like places to seek refuge in, but they come with their own evils. It is enough to overwhelm. It is an avalanche of information, most of which is purely made up.

Whoa. Dude!
So yes, I know it is shocking, but people are totally fabricating their "solid evidence" that the world is ending in some spectacularly farfetched stories about aliens, and a moon dragon named Bronco. Oh yes, get your tinfoil hats ready folks! When the mother ship comes to take us back to the Rainbow Makers, we will be leaving everything but our brains behind, and in order for our brains to time travel properly, we need to buy foil helmets. How do I know all this? Because the Rainbow Makers speak to me in my dreams, and sometimes after I have too many beers. See how easy this is?! If I had enough followers buying into my "theories" then I could make a YouTube video, and get paid by my sponsors for every click I get. Oh wait! I'm sorry? Did you think I was serious? Oh, lol, you are so silly! I was really just praying on your natural gullibility, for my own profit.

I call this one "Icarus".  For only $300, it comes in your choice of dull or shiny!
 I'm just saying, don't buy into everything you see and hear. I was reading an article in National Geographic that stated there have been more than a few people contemplating suicide prior to "dooms day" so they won't have to suffer through the end. Don't be frightened by all these scare tactics. You need to remember that most of these people are making things up as they go, and are looking to make easy money. Don't buy into it, and remember to think rationally. Spending $1000 on a seed bank for you and your family might seem like a great idea now, but I say hold that thought. Plus, unless you know what you are doing with those seeds, you are better off buying some foil in bulk and making hats like I am. We can sit back in 2013 with our obscene fortunes laughing at those who spent their life savings on underground bunkers. If the world does end, well we won't be here to wish we had that seed bank, will we?? Exactly.

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