Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Bloggity Blog Blog Blog

Look at me! I'm blogging!! Well, I have been blogging since January, and I have stuck with it so far. I am proud of myself. It really isn't something to celebrate, but it is nice to think that I haven't grown bored with it. I tell everyone who complains about being bored to occupy themselves with a blog. It takes up as much time as you want it to, and the only person you need to please is yourself. You have no one's expectations to meet but your own! (That can be good and bad)

I write about me, and my life, and the things I deem important. " I am not keeping up with the Jones' ". I am not out to impress anyone. I do attempt to be funny, but I live to amuse myself. If it makes someone else laugh, well it is just an extra bonus!! Who doesn't like bonuses!? No one criticizes me here. If they did, I would delete their negative comments. Who goes to someones blog and says something crappy about them?? Crappy people do, that is who! Freedom of speech!! Freedom to delete negative and useless comments!

There are a few guidelines that I hope you would follow if you do decide to write your own blog:

1. Your Alligator Mouth is Overloading Your Tadpole Butt

Never air your filthy dirty laundry unless doing it subtly and with no names. You can't go in guns ablaze talking smack about your mother in law, your husband, a neighbor, or anyone else for that matter. People read your posts even if they don't tell you they are. Also, if they google your name, your blog will probably come up. If you don't care, then by all means tell us about it. But if you would rather not have conflict, then don't tell everyone how your mother in law's feet look like two callused bear paws that smell like skunk pee and what not. Because even if she doesn't do internet, your spouse's cousin or distant relative can still read it! It will get back to them!!

2. T.M.I.

Too much info. Knowing when to stop is often an issue with some people. Info on your sex life isn't needed, unless it is a sidesplitting funny story that you have tested and tried in an audience of friends and family and they didn't barf or shake their head and walk away. Details on bowl movements are strictly prohibited. Now if you poop your pants, go ahead and share. We just don't need to know your stool analysis thank you very much. Just the story, not the gruesome details. If someone wants to ask more questions, that is what the comments section is for.

3. Don't Be a Snake Oil Salesman

I am happy you think that you have found the next miracle food, but I am not buying it. Don't try to recruit me for your fad diets, they don't work for me, you ,or anyone you know. Suggestions are always good, but don't post about products unless it is a review. Sometimes people are entrepreneurs and that is fine. But if you don't believe in what you are selling, or are out to make a quick buck, know that we, your readers don't care. Also, I will make fun of you. (but not in my blog)

4. When in Doubt, Snopes it

I can't tell you how annoying and ignorant some people come off as when I see people passing on information that was sent in a chain e-mail or a Facebook post. I realize that most people don't do it to be malicious, but fear mongering is contagious. You must be aware that not everything you read is true. I know you know this. So I plead, and beg of you that the next time you get an e-mail or see a Facebook post asking you to send this little boy a Christmas card because it is his dying wish, you check it out and make sure it is legit or still valid. Because the other nice and sweet people that read this and spring to action don't find out that the little boy passed away last year, and are flooding his parents home with unwanted cards!! Sad but true story: (http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/medical/elfrink.asp)

5. Don't Try So Hard

You start a blog! You write! You post! You can't think of anything! Your brain is smoking from the effort to come up with a good post idea. Put out that fire in your cranium, cause you are stinking up the place. You have no minimum or maximum amount of posts to write. Write as often as you want to. If you don't like it, then give up. No one is holding a gun to your head. I am merely suggesting you write, I won't be disappointed if you don't. (maybe just a little) If you don't know what to write, start going over your day, was there anything that made you mad, or sad, or LOL? Did you notice that 3 out of 4 cars at stop lights had nose pickers in them?? Write about it. It may not be profound or earth shattering but I tell you most of us notice the same things, we mostly just don't talk about it. It will be funny, and possibly a little gross, but you might surprise yourself, and enjoy your own writing. I know I do, but then again, I like to amuse myself.

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