The Story of How Our Back Yard Became the Sahara Desert

Ever since my husband mentioned us doing yard work this weekend, I have been dreading it. We won't be just mowing, we will be chopping, and cutting and digging in the sand. I am sure most of you are thinking to yourself "What's the big deal? I do yard work once a week!" Well, good for you! I am willing to bet your yard is lovely and you are able to do cartwheels across it without getting covered in stickers too. Well, we are not so lucky. I would prefer to show you why my yard is the exception through interpretative dance. Except, I would use so much gas getting to each one of you, we would be eating ramen for the rest of the year. Since it is unhealthy to eat all of that salt, I have chosen a series of stolen internet pictures to illustrate my pain and agony.

Exhibit A. Crab Grass. It is mainly what our yard consisted of. I had a great idea! Lets dig these up!!

Also, we had this thing called a sea hibiscus that was planted next to the fence in our back yard....

Exhibit B. Sea Hibiscus. This is a gigantic plant. Ours is half this size and no less than 2 stories tall.

So our crab grass removal and the hard freeze we had this winter left our back yard looking like this:

Exhibit C. The Sahara. This was all that was left of our back yard after the crab grass. 

Exhibit D. Dead sea hibiscus. 2 stories tall. About 1 thousand individual stalks to chop up.

There are tiny patches of actual grass clinging to the sand . It really isn't much, but it is enough that it needs to be mowed down. Ever mowed at the beach? No you haven't, and with good reason!

Exhibit E. Sand storm. Is that a sand storm coming? Nope, it is just April and Steve mowing the back yard!

 But I have grand plans! (don't we all?) I don't want to be able to raise camels in my back yard. I want it to be pretty, and kid friendly.

This is what I aspire for. A barefoot baby's dream!!

But I couldn't grow a flower and keep it living even if I was made of potting soil and cried tears of Miracle Grow. I am nothing like my grandparents. They could plunk a withered old seed into the ground, and 3 months later have a Garden of Eden. I inherited the black thumb of flora death. I am known in the plant world as the grim reaper. I killed hard to kill, natively growing rosemary in less than a week. I need automatic sprinklers and Paul James from Gardening By the Yard to come to my house and give me some lessons. If you are reading this Paul James... I NEED YOUR HELP!!!