Well this week has been a doosey. It seems as if stress has been my middle name at work and home. Thankfully this week has come to an end. Next week the office Nazi is on vacation, and I am ready to enjoy it! No one will be foaming at the mouth if we walk in the door at 8:01, or sending me e-mails and then immediately asking me if I got that e-mail. Now if I could get the rest of the supervisors to take off for next week, it would be like a vacation at the office! I hardly think I would have such luck, but I will keep my fingers crossed anyway.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and Sunday too. I have two birthday parties on Saturday and two Mother’s days to celebrate. Everyone gets fat free pudding, and a card made out of tissue paper. That’s about all the energy I have left to give. Maybe tonight I can muster up more energy, but for now, this is the best I can think of. These are the days I miss having a rum and coke. These are also the days I miss being able to say “I don’t feel like cooking, let’s go to Burger King.” The absolute hardest part is telling myself, “No! You cannot stop at Whataburger and get a number one with cheese and a diet coke!” I can only console myself with my veggie patties, and fat free cheese. While I am adjusting to the changes we have had to make, I am struggling internally with not being able to smother my stress with fat. That’s basically what I have been doing all these years. I am an emotional eater. I don’t have to be sad to be hungry for all things off limits. I could be as happy as a clam at high tide being with my family, we put on a spread of epic proportions, and we all chow down. Now, I have to have my “special food” and everyone has to ask me if I can eat this, that, or the other thing. My mom makes amazing potato salad, and I couldn’t have any. Each tablespoon of regular mayo has 12 grams of fat. There is more fat in one tablespoon of mayo than I eat in an entire meal. That is usually 2 meals worth of fat, in 1 tablespoon!!
Even though I know I can’t eat what ever I want anymore, that doesn’t mean my brain immediately said, “Alright! Change in diet, okay no problem.” It was more like:
Brain: “Uh okay, I don’t like the pain, but I still get cake right?”
Yes you can still have cake brain, but it’s going to be made with yogurt and other fat free things, and it won’t be the triple ripple chocolate cake of chocolaty death you are thinking about.
Brain: “Okay, well what about going to the movies and getting a bucket of popcorn and a pickle??”
Um, nope. Sorry. No more popcorn from the theater. One large popcorn has no less than 30 grams of fat, that’s without butter.
Brain: “Fine! Well at least a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!”
Ah, yea, about that, even the reduced fat peanut butter has 6 grams of fat in a tablespoon. So you want to spend an entire meal’s worth of fat on ONE tablespoon of peanut butter?? I didn’t think so!
A chicken pot pie from KFC? No. Can I eat at any restaurant? Not for a while. CAN I HAVE DIET COKE?! Yes. FINALLY!! SOMETHING!
And so my internal struggle rages on. I get to see the doctor Tuesday, and I'm pretty sure that he's going to tell me to curb the carbs, and remove all sugar, which will leave me with lettuce, air, and cardboard on my "safe things to eat" list.Got any good recipes for those?? I think I may want to give up on food entirely, and get a feeding tube. That way they can perfectly balance my nutrient intake, and I can take it easy knowing I won't have any further issues. Who needs things with flavor and texture anyway??
Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there! I hope your kids let you rest, and your husband cooks you dinner and cleans the house. Or that you at least dream all that happened when you pass out from exhaustion.