Welcome to the Show!

Welcome to the Show!
This is the story of my life.
It isn't much, but it is mine. It can be a zoo.

Please keep your hands and feet tucked in at all times.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

How to Make It Rain: A True Story

You can thank me in chocolate, Godiva will work.
I was the reason it rained. I wasn't even trying! Actually it all started on my way home from work Friday. I was happily toasting along in my toaster , singing along with the radio, and railing at the idiots surrounding me. My gum had begun losing it's flavor, and I decided I was done with it. So I rolled down my window to spit out my gum at the red light. I know that doesn't sound very lady-like and it wasn't, but you will just have to get over it. While I patted myself on the back for helping my town keep it's crappy road together with my little "patch", karma came flying back in my face, and slapped me as I was rolling up the window. The window made a grinding noise, and then sunk into my door, much like the Titanic did in the North Atlantic. No amount of cursing and button pushing made the window arise. So I did what every frustrated woman does in these situations, and called my husband with the incredible news. (it wasn't really that incredible) I asked him what I should do, and he very calmly told me to drive home. He didn't even laugh at me. He is stronger than I am, because if we had switched places, I would have laughed at him for asking me that. The next day I spent $155 for a window regulator assembly, and husband replaced it, and got me in working order again. Fast forward to Sunday, and this time Karma's brother,  Murphy's law comes to visit. I rolled down my window at my in-law's house to flirt with my husband while he was walking up the drive, and he jokingly said, don't roll down your windows any more! I laughed, and tried to roll up my window, and I heard a snap.

I'm pretty sure I looked just like this.
Needless to say, the heavy down pour was caused by my passenger side window falling into the door. Of course it was going to rain when my window was wide open! Why didn't I think of this before? Probably because spending $310 in a 3 day span on fixing my windows, never crossed my mind. Thankfully, before the rain began, we put up a garbage bag over the window, and made it home. No soggy toasters for me. So, in conclusion, please send me chocolate, if not because you owe me for the rain, then just because I like chocolate.

Get me outta heeerrrreeee!
This week has been long a stressful, and it's only Wednesday. Thankfully only two more days of this, and it's time to relax again. This morning I must have had the "call me" sign taped on my  back when I wasn't looking. I had all manner of calls today, ranging from idiotic to wtf. Normally Friday nights I relax with my sister and her family, decompressing from the week (this is also called drinking rum or whiskey). Sadly, they are going hunting this weekend with my parents, and leaving me here to drink by myself. This does not please me. But there is not much I can do. I am not a member of the "club". Yes, there really is a club. My Daddy happens to be president. Since I am not a full paying member I am not allowed to join in on opening weekend of dove season. Not that I can hunt if I could go, because I still need to take my hunter safety course. On the bright side, my best friend has moved home, and she and I can make a dent in my large bottle of rum together. It's time to put on some gloves and get elbow deep in body parts and blood. This will be my bestie's first Halloween without our spooktacular garage. I'm ready to show her what Halloween fanatics do with their houses this time of year. Muwahahahahahahaaaaaa

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